Ho to Build Strong Relationships and Collaborate Effectively in Your New Team?

Think about the most effective engineers you know. What sets them apart? Often, it's not just their technical skills—it's their ability to work well with others and create value through collaboration.

Here's a question worth considering: When a friend you have a good relationship with needs help, don't you naturally want to assist them? And when someone you barely know asks for the same favor, isn't your response different?

This same principle applies in professional settings. Building strong relationships with your teammates makes collaboration smoother and more productive.

But how do you build these relationships without resorting to office politics or superficial networking? Let's explore practical strategies that will help you connect authentically with your new team.

Start Conversations Early When You Join

When you join a new team, what's your first instinct? Many engineers dive straight into the code. But here's a more effective approach: start by talking to people.

The most systematic way to do this is through what's called the Career Cold Start Algorithm, which we covered in detail in our article about ramping up at work.

This method breaks down into three simple steps:

• Step 1: Spend 25 minutes with each team member learning about anything you need to know. Make sure you understand every term and concept they mention—don't let confusion slide.
• Step 2: Spend 3 minutes asking about the biggest challenges the team currently faces.
• Step 3: Take 2 minutes to ask who else they recommend you should talk to, and write down all their suggestions.

Why does this work so well? Think about it from your colleague's perspective. When someone new joins and immediately starts asking thoughtful questions about the team's context, what does that signal to you? It shows respect for the existing work and an genuine interest in understanding before suggesting changes.

This approach prevents you from becoming the person who proposes solutions without understanding the problems. By investing time to learn the team's context first, you build trust and make future collaboration much easier.

Learn How Your Colleagues Prefer to Work

Beyond using the Career Cold Start Algorithm, there's another crucial step: understanding how each person likes to collaborate. This includes not just your manager, but also fellow engineers, cross-functional teammates, and people from other departments like product managers and designers.

What should you learn about each person? Start with their communication preferences. Do they prefer text messages, emails, or would they rather jump on a call to discuss things?

Also, pay attention to their personality traits. Some people are happy to help but prefer to work quietly most of the time. Once you understand this, you'll know you can approach them with questions, but you should also give them space to work undisturbed.

Here's an important question: What are the absolute deal-breakers for each person you work with? For example, I once worked with a senior engineer who couldn't tolerate people coming to meetings without having thought through the problem first. Once you know these boundaries, you can adjust your approach accordingly. In this case, you'd always prepare your thoughts before meeting with this type of colleague.

Create Your Own "How to Work With Me" Guide

While learning about others' preferences is important, you also need to help them understand yours. How can your teammates know what you're good at, what you enjoy doing, or what you're still working to improve?

This is where a "How to Work With Me" document becomes valuable. This practice is growing popular in the tech industry, and for good reason—it helps people collaborate with you more effectively.

What should you include in this document? Let's break it down into key sections:

Personal Introduction

Start with some basic information about yourself. You might include:

• A brief personal summary
• Your interests and hobbies
• Your professional mission or goals
• A personal motto or philosophy
• If you're comfortable, add a casual photo of yourself

Role and Responsibilities

Help people understand what you do by including:

• Which department you're in
• What products or modules you're responsible for
• Whether you focus on frontend, backend, or full-stack development

You should also consider adding:

• Your current work roadmap
• Your quarterly goals or OKRs

A helpful approach is to prioritize these by importance—list your P0 (most critical) tasks first, then P1, P2, and so on. This helps people understand what you're currently focused on and what takes priority.

When you share this information, what effect does it have? It helps others understand that unless their request is more important than your current work, it might not be handled immediately. This sets realistic expectations.

After describing your role, list what kinds of things people can come to you for. Beyond your direct responsibilities, mention other areas where you're happy to help. For instance, if you're particularly skilled at writing readable Python code, you might offer to help with Python code reviews.

Consider including relevant documentation you've written. When people read these first, they might solve their own problems, saving everyone time. Even if they still need to talk to you, they'll have better context for the conversation.

Collaboration Preferences

This is where you explain how you like to work. Here are the most important areas to cover:

• Focus time: When do you typically have meetings? When are you available for new meetings? When do you prefer to do deep work without interruptions?

• Communication style: Do you prefer hearing conclusions first, or do you like context before the main point? Do you prefer asynchronous communication (messages) or synchronous (meetings)? Do you like formal language or casual conversation with emojis?

• Thinking and decision-making: How do you approach problems? What questions should people consider before coming to you? What information do you need before making decisions? How do you prefer to receive feedback?

• Deal-breakers: What behaviors or approaches frustrate you? For example, some people dislike when others come to discussions without having formed any opinions, while others get frustrated when people don't follow through on commitments.

• Important notes: Are there aspects of your communication style that might be misunderstood? For example, if you often play devil's advocate but it's not personal, that's worth explaining.

Here are some examples of how to phrase these preferences:

• "I prefer asynchronous communication through Slack. If you receive a message from me, you don't need to respond immediately. Sometimes you might get Slack messages from me on weekends or late at night. I share these because I had a thought I didn't want to forget, but I don't expect you to respond outside of work hours. Please reply when you're back at work."

• "I sometimes challenge ideas during discussions, but this is never personal. I believe that when we discuss something, everyone should have solid reasoning behind their opinions. If you think I'm wrong about something during our discussion, please correct me."

Keep Learning and Improving

Building relationships with your team is an ongoing process, not a one-time task. As you work together, you'll discover more about how each person thinks and operates. The key is to remain curious and adaptable.

What's one small step you can take today to better understand your teammates? Perhaps it's scheduling a coffee chat with someone you haven't talked to yet, or creating your own "How to Work With Me" document to share with your team.

Remember, investing in relationships isn't just about making work more pleasant—it's about becoming more effective at your job. When you understand your teammates and they understand you, collaboration becomes smoother, problems get solved faster, and everyone can focus on building great software together.

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